Many people want to expand their sexual lives and practices, but aren’t sure how to begin. When we find ourselves in a rut, it’s hard to think up new ideas.
We asked Bruce, event director at Kinky Kollege and guest on Wild & Sublime, a few questions on broadening one’s sensual life.
Q: What’s the best advice you can give anyone wishing to expand their sexual horizons but not sure what to do?
Bruce: Sit down, get comfy with a pad, pencil, and introspective thoughts. Be specific and write down 5 things, from your experiences, that turn you on sexually.
You could choose from:
- Ways you like to be touched
- Toys you like
- Demeanor, etc.
Next delve into your fantasies. Perhaps they are always with you, perhaps you have to dive deep to help them surface. Maybe they are things you want to try, or things you would be scared to try. Write them down too.
Next to each item on your two lists write the one (or two) word(s) that is your reason “why” this is so for you.
Finally, compare the two lists and look for commonalities with the goal of learning or becoming more aware about yourself, your sexual desires, and your sexual being. If you have a partner, do this exercise independently, then, if you wish, share it after you are done.
Now that you are armed with more knowledge about what works for you, and what ones you are thinking about doing differently or trying, take that to Kinky Kollege and explore classes that fit with those interests and the people you meet who seem to share those interests.
Q: What’s a significant moment that sparked a new learning phase in your sex/sensation/kink life? How did you proceed?
Bruce: Years ago, my wife and I were corset shopping in San Francisco and learned that there was a large dungeon party that night. I’m not sure I would have had the courage to say what I wanted, but my wife preempted me and said “We should go.”
Like kids in a candy shop for the first time, we couldn’t take it all in. We were mesmerized and started asking how people learn about this stuff. “You take classes at conferences!” They recommended Kinky Kollege, which was right in our back yard. It opened a whole new world of growth in our sex and kink lives, amazing friendships, a closet full of kink outfits, and we haven’t missed a Kinky Kollege in 15 years.
But more important, much more, is that our relationship has grown much deeper from the shared experiences (those fantasies that were deeply locked in that private area of our brains), the trust we experience, and the joy that this journey has brought each of us.