Hello! Just a friendly neighborhood kinkster here, and I’d like to lay out a few common misconceptions I hear now and then based around what it means to be kinky. Let’s start!
Myth #1: Kink = Sex
My Two Cents:
Can it? Yes! Absolutely!
Does it always? Does it have to? Nope.
Storytime!
I recently came out to a vanilla friend. We were close when I was younger, but we probably hadn’t seen each other in over 10 years and had lost any mutual social connections.
If I was in the mood to come out to anyone, they were perfect.
The first thing they did with that knowledge? Started to blatantly assume we were going to fuck.
*eye roll*…
There are those of us who indulge in our kinks because they are sexy, and they turn us on.
Some also engage in kinks because they are just fun. Sex is sometimes involved, and sometimes not.
Want to know what’s always involved though?
CONSENT
Speaking of consent…
Myth #2: Those who are on the receiving end of kinky stuff—i.e. submissives, bottoms, etc.—don’t have a say in what’s happening to them.
My Two Cents:
It’s easy to watch a porn, or see a scene in a dungeon, and assume that the individual on the receiving end doesn’t have much control over what’s happening to them.
While that can be true to an extent, and in its own context, the person receiving generally has the most control in those situations.
They likely have had a conversation prior to any activities taking place, and have given some form of consent to everything that is happening. They have also very likely negotiated a safe word (and sometimes that word is simply “stop”) to end everything if they see fit.
Or maybe all us bottoms are just trying to top-from-the-bottom. *nudge *nudge
Fun fact: kinky people enjoy sarcastic banter
Myth #3: Kink is BDSM and therefore it always involves pain.
My Two Cents:
Not necessarily. I’d dare to say that BDSM is certainly kinky, but not all kinks have to fall under the BDSM umbrella.
Pain is certainly my own main jam, but it is not the only jam. I have friends who enjoy all sorts of flavors! Everything from glitter, feet, cosplay, and the feel of polished latex. I also hear that marmalade is quite delicious. *wink
If mainstream society deems it a taboo indulgence, it’s kinky!
Myth #4: Kink needs to break the bank.
My Two Cents:
Repeat after me:
“Fancy ‘toys’ are not required in order for me to enjoy myself.”
I’m all about supporting local vendors, and I have splurged on a couple of really nice collars myself… but my favorite kinky toy? A partner’s hands.
Some other things that can be loads of fun are;
- Hairbrushes
- Kitchen utensils
- Feather dusters
- Clothes
- Books
- Stockings
- Craft supplies
- Shoes
- Saran Wrap
- and last but certainly not least, ourselves!
Myth #5: “Domly doms wear suits, and submissives wear whatever I tell them to”
My Two Cents:
First things first: Without disregarding that suits and power imbalances can make for a consensually hot kinky time, rid yourself of any societal gender norms you may be associating with that statement.
The reason this “image” is so ingrained in kink culture is due to stereotyping, and the sexist notion that men are the ones in charge and women are to be subservient.
Viva la resistance!
Second things second: I once read a tweet from a wise member of the Furry community. It said:
“People’s labels are descriptive, not prescriptive.”
And with those words, I’ll bid you adieu by saying that kink is extremely fluid, and oftentimes not at all what it looks like in the media. We’re not actors in a film. We are humans with needs who laugh and stumble and fart and drool…and while the polished fantasy portrayal of kink makes for great fapping material, it doesn’t take into account the nuance at play that is essential in cultivating fulfilling experiences.
Stay human, stay kinky.
