“Kink helped me find who I am.”
Storyteller Lily Be shares how becoming a Domme helped her get over a bad breakup and discover her own sexual identity in a powerful story from one of our live shows.
Wild & Sublime Podcast Transcript
#S2E55 | Best Erotic Story
[Wild & Sublime theme music]
Lily Be: And he hands me this little bag. I go into the bathroom with the little bag and my phone, because I don't know how to put on these harnesses, y'all. It's my first time. So I google that shit. [laughs]
Karen Yates: Welcome to Wild & Sublime, a sexy spin on infotainment®, no matter your preferences, orientation, or relationship style, based on the popular live Chicago show. Each week, I'll chat about sex and relationships with citizens from the world of sex positivity. You'll hear meaningful conversation, dialogues that go deeper, and information that can help you become more free in your sexual expression. I'm sex educator Karen Yates. This week, as part of our end-of-year program, we present the best erotic story from our live shows. Keep listening.
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Hey, folks. Here we are, winding down 2021. Another hum-dinger year. Good humdinger, but it still had its dinger moments, too. I, for example, broke my arm. And to tell you the truth, there was just a bunch of wacky stuff in 2021 that happened. But I can feel the dust settling now. Can you feel it settling? Now, full disclosure, this is being recorded at the end of November. So we still have another month to get through. So anything could happen. Yeah.
I'm really excited about presenting this story again. It was recorded at our last live show, March 13, 2020, at Constellation in Chicago. And yes, Wild & Sublime live shows will return soon! And with this end of year episode trio I'm doing — there's one more — I thought, 'How shall I describe this story?' And having been a performer, calling something "the best" always smacks of award show stuff. But I kept coming back to, 'No, this IS the best story.' Now I'll explain what that means for me, in regards to storytelling. It means the story itself, the raw story, is excellent, and the craft of putting it together for an audience is excellent, and Lily Be's performance is excellent. But more than that, there is an ineffable, transcendent quality to this whole thing that takes this story to the next level. Please enjoy this performance by master storyteller Lily Be.
Lily Be: I'm lying in the bed next to this sore-looking man in a seedy motel, smoking a cigarette. And he turns to me, kind of teary-eyed, and thanks me, and gets up to get dressed, and turns and says, "Here," and on the bed he throws what looks like a wad of money. I don't count it, but it's some hundreds, y'all. And I get mad. Look, I told you I don't want your money. I don't do this for money. I'm so "ughh" by this. And he's trying to talk to me, but I'm the Domme. No, no, shut up. I told you I don't want your money. Why are you giving me money? And I remember when I first met him. I had just gotten out of a relationship that for the most part just fucked my head up. I had fallen in love, for the first and last time, with a straight, white dude. And when I say he fucked my head up — he did. He cheated on me, did everything that I did not expect him to do. We had gotten engaged. It was this ridiculous thing, and then it had to end, and it ended ugly. But the one thing I thank him for is that our relationship did show me that, oh, I'm not submissive. Me and this straight white man — Patrick. I'm gonna say his name. He ain't here. Patrick, he had me doing things that — I had assumed I was submissive my whole life. But he had me choking him in bed. And, like, spitting in his mouth. Playing out sexual fantasies of apocalypse in my closet, where I tied him up and told him to shut the fuck up and eat this pussy. Like, all kinds of nasty shit. I was like, oh, I like this. I like being in control like this! So we broke up, and it was heartbreaking, and I got over the bullshit. I was like, I want to do that again. And so I found myself on FetLife, because that's where we go. Doing my profile in my leather, in my fishnets, right? In my boots. Saying, I'm a Domme. I own that. It was good to own that, and know that that's who I was. I'm in charge. I put my Kik on there. My Kik, like, blew up with men all over Chicago. Like, "What it do? What it do, Lily? What it do?" Basically like, how can we meet? Let's do this. And I was like, let's see. And so, I meet Ross — we'll call him Ross. And he is... I mean, I open the picture, it's Thor, y'all. It's Thor. He's like, 6'6", bam-bam-bam, everywhere. And he's in the finance world, slash a personal trainer. And he's like, "I liked your profile." And we do the dance, right? "What are you into?" "What are you into?" All that stuff. And then he finally is like, "Ah, I want you to fuck my throat." Which is something I had never done, ever. But I pretended that I did. I'm like "Yeah, I got that. I could do that." Cuz he described it, and I'm like, oh I want to do that. And I don't need you to, like, right-swipe, left-swipe. No, I want to be the one to do this to you, Thor.
So, he picked me. And we decided to meet at this hotel — we made it our spot. And I remember showing up early, and waiting and waiting, and butterflies in my stomach. And I opened the door, and there he is, and there I am. Not like this. I had a corset on, and my fishnets and my boots. Hair down and out. And he hands me a little bag, because I told him I don't have the equipment, you have the equipment. I know you have the equipment. [audience laughs] Because I didn't have it. And he hands me this little bag. I go into the bathroom with the little bag and my phone, because I don't know how to put on these harnesses, y'all. It's my first time. So I google that shit. Okay. And then I'm standing there in the mirror and I'm like, "...Yeah." [applause] For like a hot second, men, I got it. I get what what y'all get, what y'all think. And so I'm like, mmm, in the mirror. And I open the door to the bathroom and walk out, and Thor is on his knees. Like, "What can I do for you, Goddess?" And that sounded so good, y'all. So good. And I was like, "Shut up." And he loved it. And I was like, "Come here." On his knees, this six-foot-five Thor of a man crawls over and is right here, just in front of my dick. With his mouth open, like, what can I do for you, Goddess? And I was like, "You could take this dick is what you can do." And he did. All eight inches of it. Like a boss. And I was impressed. I was like, you go! You go. And that was it. I fucked the shit out of his throat. Like, ungh, ungh! Every experience I've ever taken, every man that ever tried to, like, grab my head, and like — I took it all, all of that. Channeled all those blowjobs into this experience. Like, yeah, get it, get it! He took it all, took all of it. And then at the end when he was like, I'm done, like a gentleman he took a napkin, wiped his face, thanked me and went on his merry way. And I was hoooooooked. I realized, this is what I want to do. I want to do this. And not just throats — I got into all of it. Pegging, period. I was pegging. Four, five — I had a roster. I had a lineup of cubs, yo. Cuz I'm also a cougar. They had to be like 30 — I'm 42 — they had to be, like, 27 to 32. Rackin' em. Just day after day. It built my confidence up. It made me forget about Patrick. It made me walk into rooms like, "Yeah, I could fuck about seven of y'all." Seven of y'all in this room would take this dick, I know it. I walked around just knowing. Changed my life. So here I am in this room with Ross, and I'm mad that he's trying to give me some money. I'm like, "This ain't about money. This is about me, and what I get. We talked about this Ross! You know this!" And it was like I said: tears in his eyes, he said, "Lily, do you know how envious I am? That you get to walk out of here and own this? You go out here and tell all your friends you just fucked me in the throat. And I can't. I can't. I gotta go back and I gotta pretend this didn't happen. You're like, the only thing that keeps me from going into work and shooting up my job." That's what he said, I swear to God. So I'm kind of doing the Lord's work, y'all. A little bit.
And I was like, "Damn, Ross! I didn't..." I felt for him. At that moment, I was like, damn. And so like, I took the money. Like, $600, y'all. Like, damn, Ross, for real? Okay. But also, I kept seeing Ross. I did this for four years, y'all. Never really wanted anything reciprocated. I didn't ask him to fuck me. I never cared about me getting off. It wasn't about that for me. In fact, I just turned 41. When I turned 40, I realized like, I'm asexual! That's a story for another day. But this four years of my life changed the way I navigated in the world. How I carried myself, what I believed about who I am, and why I am who I am. The confidence, the glow, the strength, the empowerment that I got from these four years with these men — all straight white men. It was like my payback also, like retribution. Like, I'mma fuck y'all now! But it changed my life. And I always think about Ross, and and how so many of us don't get to be who we want to be in the world. And how I was that for him. And so in a way, like — I know he's better now. We still keep in touch via Kik. I don't fuck him anymore, but we're still friends. But I I say this to say that kink helped me find who I am. This world of, like, "No hay mal que por bien no venga" — there is no bad from which good cannot come. And so my shitty relationship with Patrick led to this discovery of kink, led to Ross, led to me finding out that I'm a badass bitch, y'all. And I want to give y'all and let y'all in on a secret. All you are some badass motherfuckers. All y'all, every single one. And all y'all got to do is find the way, right? And step into it. And y'all will be okay. Thanks.
Karen Yates: For more information on Lily Be, check our show notes. Wild & Sublime is supported in part by our Sublime Supporter, Full Color Life Therapy. Therapy for all of you at fullcolorlifetherapy.com.
Well, that's it, folks. Have a very pleasurable week. Next week, we present some of the notable segments and conversations from our early episodes. Don't miss it. Thank you for listening. If you know someone who might be interested in this episode, send it to them. Do you like what you heard? Then give us a nice review on your podcast app. You can follow us on social media @wildandsublime and sign up for newsletters at wildandsublime.com. I'd like to thank associate producer Julia Williams and design guru Jean-Francois Gervais. Theme Music by David Ben-Porat. This episode was edited by The Creative Imposter studios. Our media sponsor is Rebellious Magazine, feminist media, at rebelliousmagazine.com.
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