This SOPM has been adapted from the December 2019 show.
If you’ve been to a live show, you know that I usually finish with something called Sermon on the Pubic Mound®, a motivational-cum-summation piece.
(And thanks, Latin, for getting to cum before porn did. I’m sorry we’ve declared you dead. I appreciate you.)
Anyway, in the past few years, as I’ve wended my way through various sex cultures as both participant or cheering bystander, I’ve noticed something striking:
All alt sex/relationship groups have created community, no matter how on the edge or just an inch off the normative and dominant cultural center they are.
Whether you’re gay, polyamorous, queer, Tantric, kinky, or a combo, there are places where folks are more or less on the same page and share common language, places where folks can find comfort, support, and common purpose, and also talk about sex freely. What do you do? What are you into? How does that work exactly?
Even as a somatic sex educator, I partake in regular community video calls to connect with other educators. This is especially important to ease the Am I Crazy or Is This Fucking Important? moments people working at the intersection of healing + sexuality can have.
The Normal
Now, here’s the sad truth. People who practice mainstream sex don’t really have community. You might say, of course they do! The dominant culture supports conventional sexuality and those who practice it!
That line of reasoning works if you believe there is such a thing as “normal” sexuality—which for most looks monogamous, hetero, able-bodied, and cis-gender*, with a penetrative finale.
Here’s the thing, though. There is no normal. No aspect of human existence is normal, including sexuality.
Rather than a helpful yardstick, normal is a leveling force, an oppressive idea that does not speak to all the myriad and unique varieties of sexual flowers there are. It squelches enlivening impulses and voices. Everyone (yes, I said everyone) has thoughts and/or desires that fall outside the mainstream. Most everyone at one point or another has thought they’re a weirdo.
Because of this (and many other reasons), sex is not talked about openly in our culture. Yes, you’ll see a ton of writing about it, and some interviews, but as a whole, we do not feel comfortable talking openly and vulnerably about sex with as much passion as we do food or sports or fashion. There’s too much risk.
Even those who are comfortable with expressions of mainstream sexuality don’t get supported fully with the most common issues, such as pain during sex, libido loss, the impact of illness and trauma, and so on. And beyond that, for all of us on the most basic level, sex blooms with simple, frank conversation and new ideas.
The Show
Wild & Sublime (formerly Super Tasty) creates a communal space where we can all share about sex, regardless of one’s preferences, orientation, gender identity, or relationship style.
It’s also a resource hub and enables networking among sex-positive groups and people.
The show doesn’t operate under the typical camouflaging sex narrative that hides cultural shame like it’s naughty…lewd…dirty…. People get onstage and talk about sex matter-of-factly. And then we all experience viscerally what it’s like to be with a group of like-minded folks talking about sex.
We realize nothing bad is going to happen and we relax. We have fun. The audience shares anonymously and deeply, and also ask questions.
During the post-show, we chat. Audiences return from performance to performance. Community is getting created among a wide swathe of sex-friendly folks. We begin understanding collectively that hey, I might be a weirdo but maybe, just maybe, it’s okay.
It’s the deep sense of humanity enriched via sexuality that is so vital to me. I want Wild & Sublime to continue to nurture the ability we all possess to explore ourselves physically and to connect to one another and grow. It’s the essence of being alive.
*cis–when a person’s gender identity matches the gender they were assigned at birth.
